Letter to me

Dear Anne,
how have you been of late?I am sorry it's been a while.You know the days have flown with out me noticing and it would have scared and bored you even stressed you if i had been in touch everyday.I know what you want despite the fact that you do not think i do.
you want to be loved,and i love you.you want to enjoy life,and you are .You want things to go easy for you and you want me to want you and i want you...you,my love need to put your fear aside.You need to open your heart,your heart is open-to love others but you need to let it open to let others love you...and love you wholly.
When you love someone,your heart is wide and little red heart shapes flow from it and you care and you listen,and you console and you are strong for people.You need to allow me to do that for you.Showing your mortality to me will not make me love and care for you any less.It will make me care for you better because it is difficult to care for someone who seems to have no weaknesses.
Show me your kryptonite
You overwhelm me,in a good way.If i used words besides those,it would sound too cheesy.so,you overwhelm me.I am afraid to come to you because your pride(i know you hate that word)but yes,your pride will turn me away.It is okay.It is okay to be weak sometimes,i will not ridicule you,i will not laugh.I will open my heart to you and if you trust me...i know you do,you have given me no reason to ever doubt that.so prove it to me,let me take care of you.

okay,enough of that,it is only that i did not know how else to say it.I hope you are okay,im alright.Nearly every day of this year has gone by in a whirlwind.You said that was good for you.I guess you enjoyed the pace.not sure,did you?
About not getting a job,relax ,all things in time.This i know is hard for you since you do not like to wait for anything,you should work on that,I am glad that you have decided to wait for me despite that.
I am really running out of time my love.I will get in touch with you sooner.I will not tell you to ask for whatever you want because you may not,i will instead give you what you deserve.

yours,faithfully,anne.

11/december/2007

i am desperately trying to diagnose my constant "stress"oh i hate that word.im just not happy.in a bid to re invent myself,i am throwing out all the things i have read could be leading to my un happy state.
iv given away new clothes,my cousin told me it makes u feel better,like your shading some skin.tried it,didn't work.Maybe i didn't give away enough..
tried taking care of myself,splashing money on some new items,tried but couldn't really cut that one either,don't have that much money...what next?

What?

You know when we are growing up,our parents teach us little things that we carry through our whole lives.They teach us that we should pray before we eat our meals,that we should not talk to strangers,that we should listen to our elders,they teach us to be polite blah,blah.blah(as maureen big brother would say)but why is it that when we grow up,we forget many of these so necessary lessons?
I was in aline the other day
ok i had started this out with a totally different story in mind but this has literally pinched me in the bum.Theres this oh so rude girl who stays a floor above me,she never has a good response for anyone and when she does,its for a very strange reason,believe me on that!
Obviously her parents didn't teach her how to be polite.Even if she wasnt tought,with the eating of the fruit by EVE and her mate ADAM came the 'gift' of discernment,is that the word?ok,ability to know what is wrong and right.She however has not benefited from this sin that has brought us all alot of suffering(had a silly pregnancy scare last week,it wouldnt have been so bad if it wasnt for those two love birds afore mentioned)
Where was i?yeah,the rude girl upstairs.
I mean if the sin cost us all so much,we should all try to atleast learn some good out of it.I dont know,maybe use that"all knowingness"to be nicer to some people.
Im probablly being overly sensitive but when you ask someone a question like say,where is the toilet?You expect an answer like,"down the stairs behind the big poster on the left hand side of...whatever or maybe ,"on your right",or even" i dont know".What you do not expect however is "why cant you go and look for them yourself?" THAT, is just insane.
sure we must forget some of those childhood tales our parents spun so beautifully,like mummy and daddy are such good friends thats why they sleep in the same bed.yeah.like babies come from the hospital,hold on,they come from the hospital because mom's stomach gets cut off because its too big and the doc gives her a baby for it...Now,that naivite,we gotta let go of but we should hold on to the simple nimble politeness.
"why cant you go look for them yourself"what do you think im trying to do b****!

WHO EVEN WANTS TO READ THIS?

why the hell am i so impatient?where on earth am i running to?and why am i always asking u poor people questions?im sorry but i cant help myself...okay,enough about me,how have you been?school?class?the kids?work?

im sorry i have to start talking about myself again.well what do u want me to do?ur not saying anything.i was listening to some music the other day and everyone is telling us to work hard and fight till we win...why is life such a contradiction of itself?what about the best things in life are free?if this is true,good grades and "good kids"should come easy.any way enough of the sadism.
life is cool and peachy and look at the pink/suny/happy side of life

schoolis a drag...lets not talk about that ok?
class?refer to the above line
the kids?
God i hope i don't have any...abit worred about whether or not i have any...do i have any?
work?
About that,abit worried about not having one...
boy
lets make it rain
or,lets just talk

???

now what?can anyone get more confused than i am right now?what am i thinking?ofcourse someone can,like the catholic doctor asked to 'take' a patient's life to save him from the throngs of advanced cancer.Said doctor watched his only son,12years only,waste away from said disease.Though doctor longed to ease the boys pain,was willing to incur the wrath of his christian God,wife couldnot let him.I forgot to mention that,said doctor's wife is a staunch believer in God the almighty.Her religion(jehovah's witness)does not allow for blood transfusion.she WILL NOT let said doctor(her husband)put the boy through greater pain,of the eternal kind...Said doctor's wife has only one child,said 12 year old boy on the hospital bed wasting away.And when you are near them,you can smell the acrid smell of pain.you can feel it like a rash hell you can almost taste it.It chokes you up and you can barely breathe.looking at them i weep i bowl out...from within of course because i am ashamed that i am confused about when to hand in my course work.I am ashamed because i am complaining about how bright the light is in my room!Can i get more sordid?They pray and i blush.

yamini,lulu

lulu allowed me to send her.by the way,she is the phoenix.the one who burns but unlike other phoenixes(plural?)she's taking a while to rise from the proverbial ashes.we are having chicken,yamini says she will blog soon."us guys" are planning to open a joint blog...charlie's angels?straighten out anne?psych ward?ofcourse i would never suggest such weird names...my friends...what can i say?i often believe they missed something in their diets when they were growing up.A certain branch of calcium maybe,something needed to boost the "normal"gene
Speaking of,lulu fought in school...
yamini encouraged the fight....says lulu
yamini denies any knowledge of this....
lulu was someone to be feared...says yamini
and on and on it goes...psych ward may work

This morning

It's raining outside...ok it isn't but i have come up with a superb way of combatting today and days for that matter.I'm making my own day.i know i know people have been telling us to do that since nursery school 'life is what u make it' and all.well,day is what im making it.so its raining outside,im alone in this lab with a hot breakfast of...you dont want me to go there.Burrying my head in the sand,playing make belief?whatever.Its not so bad out there,in the "real world"(i must sound insane)I mean the HEAT,the dust,the noisy classmates,lecturer walked out so,you can imagine...but it is soo much better in here...